I didn’t always have the view of life that I have today, for forty nine years it was much different mostly because there wasn’t much trial and error growing up, it was mostly error; error in the sense of my behavior being self destructive. As far back as I can remember this self destructive behavior was in place, and as I got more access to destructive things such as alcohol, drugs, and gambling to name a few, my self destructive behavior became more frequent; and unfortunately more destructive. It began as far back as kindergarten when for whatever reason I remember cutting the girls hair who sat in front of me. I have no idea why this was done, but this was the beginning of mind patterns of doing things without any thought whatsoever as to what the consequences would be.
I seemed to always have more brashness than brains, which is a major part of destructive behavior. I always did more than what everyone around me did. If they bet $20 on a horse, I bet $100. If they drank a half pint of rum, I drank a pint. This pattern which caused me a lot of problems, went on for many years, but it wasn’t done because I was trying to out do anybody, it was just the “always needing more” attitude that was in place. It’s not always easy to see where my writings come from because my past isn’t discussed much, but as destructive as my behavior was, I am alive today to share it with others. The list is endless of the self destructive things I did; bet and lose twelve basketballs in a row and my answer to that was to bet another game. When I stopped using the obvious self destructive tools at the age of twenty eight, the only thing that really changed was the self destructive tools became much more subtle. This changed totally for me at the age of forty nine. My writings will be focused on content like this for a few days so those who read my articles can get a better understanding of what inspires me to write as I do.
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