It’s pretty crazy the way life is. It’s something that can’t really be figured out. As in the Grateful Dead song “What a long strange trip its been” is a good description of my life, but I wouldn’t change anything about it, even with all the unconscious suffering that went on for years. The best thing about my life is all the love that I’m surrounded by, to me in the end if anything really matters it will be this. At age twenty eight I stopped using alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism, four years later I got married which is over twenty five years ago. Although that in and of itself is amazing, at the age of thirty two my father saw a son who caused him years of worrying, finally begin to grow up. I was not a burden to him or to my mother any longer. Mom recently died, my dad died some months after my wedding; him seeing me get married is something I cherish to this day.
The part the gets me the most about being unconscious is the people it affects without any knowledge that it’s happening. From the friends I had growing up, to parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, strangers, and just about anyone else who there was contact with, being unconscious caused much harm. It’s why today I simply don’t want to hurt anyone, but I still do because of the conditioning in place, however the intervals in between are much further apart than ever before. The unloving energy of “I” is at the core of being unconscious, it actually is what makes one unconscious, and just because you may want to be loving, it doesn’t mean you will be, especially if there’s much unloving conditioning in place. Waking up doesn’t make you perfect, what it does do is it gives you the awareness of your “I” imperfections in place and when one is aware of the harm “I” can cause, letting go of “I” imperfections naturally occurs, one perfect imperfection at a time.
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