Love Energy

How energy transforms is as there’s less thoughts of “I” love naturally arises and as this occurs what’s left is the newness of each moment instead of the familiar view of “I” that only produces suffering.

When I was twenty five years old my oldest brother passed away from an aorta hemorrhage brought on by cocaine abuse. This was the catalyst that forced my parents to make me look at my own addicted behavior. Not that I did this willing because one of the mechanisms of the Conditioned Mind is to keep you entrapped to the familiar even if it’s causing your own destruction. I know it’s why my behavior was self destructive because the mind loves to default to what’s familiar. Living life without my coping mechanisms was scary, I wasn’t about to give them up quietly. It took me two years to finally say to myself enough. At the time I thought this was the end of my suffering, but it turned out to be only the beginning. Although alcohol and drugs were no longer being used as coping mechanisms, with the attachment to “I” firmly in place, other things were reached for instead. I was very focused on getting my life together and that’s what become the next fix.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with doing things to improve the quality of life, but I found that even with life exactly how I thought it should be, the Conditioned Mind is never satisfied; it’s default setting of “I” always wants and this makes the next fix conditioning just about impossible to break. This becomes a very familiar habitual behavior pattern and it makes life difficult because it locks in the energy of “I” as an anchor that one lives by. To view life through this “I” energy kept me constantly locked into thoughts about fulfilling selfish desires. For me these manifested as gambling, lust, greed, anger, envy, jealousy false pride, and much more, and although these produced different outward behavior, the core “I” created a common suffering. When I began to see this and needing the next fix energy began to subside, the suffering associated with this familiar mindset also lessened; this is how energy transforms. As there’s less thoughts of “I” love naturally arises and the only thing left is the newness of each moment instead of the view that only produces suffering.