For many years I did things that I considered beneficial to my well being, but after forty nine years of doing this I found myself at such a low point that I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to rise up. There were no I think I can chants, no positive thinking, no meditation, no loving myself. There was much confusion and despair and the insanity of this is my own developed tools brought me to this place. Now I know not many get to this place of total despair so it’s difficult to understand how low I was, but I will say this, I am fortunate and here’s why. When I was twenty eight years old there were ten of us still hanging in a bar in Newark, all of us used alcohol as a beneficial tool. Out of those ten eight are dead, what’s tragic about this is the tools that each of us thought were beneficial to live were the cause of eight deaths. Think about how insane this is and how often this is repeated today; insane indeed.
When I look back at what I thought were beneficial tools I see nothing but this insanity. I alone although not intentional, caused all my own suffering. Now you may not think this applies to you, but every negative thought you ever had comes from within yourself. It may have been put there by some outer influence, but it was attached to by you because you saw it as beneficial; you gave it the energy of life. I’m not a big negative/positive person, my experience has been more in line with quietness as the most beneficial tool to live by, but it wasn’t always this way. To me the question to ask yourself if you can muster the courage to do so is are you willing to truly face yourself to see if the tools you have in place are truly a benefit to allow you to love yourself unconditionally and thus love all beings, with the key word being all not just the beings you pick…
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