It’s seems I always had a conniving mind that would always default to me getting mine (all about me). It was the way my mind was developed, and it has been in place for so long that it’s almost like I began my life with it in place. The difference today than how I was nine years ago when I wasn’t aware of the conniving thoughts that would arise and control me is, I’m mindful of those thoughts. Yesterday I returned two bags of mulch I didn’t need at the garden store and the cashier gave me my money back and told me to just put them on the pile outside. As I went back to my car to get them, there was nobody watching me. The thought popped into my head that I could just drive away and no one would know. The next thought was I would know and the need to (get mine) didn’t materialize. This article isn’t about anything other than not reinforcing “I” by attaching to the conniving mind.
There was a time when without a doubt I would have driven away with those two bags of mulch and the money, but not this time. To me this is how I can tell “I” is losing its hold, this isn’t because of a direct doing on my part, I didn’t choose not to do this. When the conniving thought to get mine arose, it simply and automatically wasn’t attached to because I love myself to much to cause myself harm. “I” wanted to take the money and run, but my true self would not allow it. You see this had nothing to do with the garden store that I was returning the mulch to, I’m sure they wouldn’t have went bankrupt, it’s not even about doing the right thing, to me the only thing that mattered was not causing harm to myself by attaching to “I”. This love for self arises naturally when the mind is settled. Although our first thoughts arise from previous conditioning, what is done next is dependent on if the mind set is to get mine or if it’s to truly love yourself and not cause yourself harm by feeding the conniving mind of “I”.
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