If the tools you are using to live your life don’t point inward, it just may be time to discard them for ones that do. I searched outside myself for tools to provide happiness for forty nine years and all I ever got were glimpses of it, it was never lasting because before long my mind became agitated and another tool was needed. Some people naturally develop tools from within, but this wasn’t to be so in my case. For whatever reason I always thought the grass was greener on the other side without realizing that grass had to be mowed also. This kept me locked into the need to reach. Happiness wasn’t fleeting because of not having the opportunity to be happy, it was fleeting because of the constant need to reach outside myself which didn’t allow happiness to arise. To me my happiness was always dependent on things being the way I thought they needed to be, but no matter what, I never really felt happy.
Even when things were exactly as I wanted, pure happiness was never experienced. A manufactured happiness was, but it’s not true because it’s dependent on something and as long as that’s the case, it will never be true. If you can’t at least be at peace with the way life is, you will never truly be happy because true happiness arises from the heart and doesn’t need anything to be. Trying to manufacture happiness is an issue because it creates a distraction that doesn’t allow it to naturally arise. When happiness has to be manufactured instead of it naturally arising from the heart, there will be a dependency on needing to reach for it as the next fix and as it was in my case, it always seemed to be as if it was out there.
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