For years I used tools that I considered reliable to my well being, but after forty nine years of using them I found myself at such a low point and I wasn’t sure if I was going to pull out of it. There was much confusion and despair at this time and the insanity is my own mind developed these supposedly reliable tools that brought me to this place. I know not many get to this place of total despair so it’s difficult to understand how low I was, but I was fortunate beyond words and I will tell you why. When I was twenty eight years old there were ten of us still hanging in a bar in Newark, all of us were using alcohol as a reliable tool to cope with life, or do we thought. Out of those ten individuals, eight are no longer alive. What’s tragic about this is the tools that each of us considered reliable to live life is what was causing of our own demise. Think about how insane this is and how often this is repeated today; insanity to say the least.
When I look back at what I thought were reliable tools to live by, I see nothing but insanity. I alone although not intentional, caused all my own suffering by having these tools in place. Now you may not think this applies to you, but every negative thought one ever has comes from within themselves. It may have been put there by some outer influence, but it was attached to by you as reliable which gave it energy to arise. Negative and positive are not my thing, my experiences have been more in line with quietness as a reliable tool to live by, but as stated earlier it wasn’t always this way. To me the question to ask yourself if you can muster up the courage to do so is, are you willing to face yourself to see if the tools you have in place are truly reliable to allow you to love yourself unconditionally and thus love all beings. The key here is love because that’s what a truly reliable tool produces.
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